i <3 this language.

I have to say, I really love how colorful the Italian language is. (Going back to how language represents a culture, right?) I've definitely felt the sting of many an Italian mother's venomous tongue (thankfully not from my own mom though) and saying that it's colorful is an understatement.

People here definitely don't skimp on using creativity and candidness. Enjoy.


This warning is addressed to that son of an unknown mother (euphemism for bastard son which doesn't translate well in English) that comes to steal the plants from the vases. Watch out, because if I catch you I'll stuff your head in the vase and the plant roots in another place.


We've tired ourselves out-- we're selling all the merchandise and we're gonna go f^*# off!!!
Remo and Nella, with love.


All the women caught handling fruit will undergo the same treatment.


If you steal, God sees you and you'll go to hell...If I see you as well you'll get there by going through the hospital first.


I'm down the shore; therefore, stop my breaking my d#ck!

Perhaps another example Italy is getting old: Teachers still use medieval torture methods to threaten students. It's perfectly acceptable for the teacher to threaten (half-seriously, scarily enough) her/his students to get them to study, usually. Some examples I recall as of late:
"Se non studiate, vi faccio sanguinare dagli orecchi!!" = If you don't study, I'll make you bleed from the ears!!"
"Se non studiate, vi impicchio tutti quanti!!"= "If you don't study, I'll hang each and every one of you!!"
"Se non lo memorizzate, sicuramente vi faccio zoppicare all'indomani!!!" = "If you don't memorize it, I'll make sure you all limp tomorrow!!"
"Se non lo scrivete bene, vi rompo tutte le dita!!!" = "If you don't write it well (correctly), I'll break all your fingers!!"

I swear I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. It's pretty entertaining, at least, for me, but I personally haven't entertained any of these type of reprimands with my students. They love hearing me speak even just a few words of Italian-- which I obviously try not to do around them, seeing as I'm teaching them English-- so usually if a student is pissing me off, I'll cut from my lesson in English to a swift comment in Italian such as "You know, if you want to continue acting like a child I can suggest the elementary school across the way-- but I'm not quite sure they'll accept you, really" without missing a beat. It works pretty well to startle them and being a semi-native, the students love to hear a little harmless backlash in their own tongue.