More Reasons Why I Hate Florida

Florida has to be the worst state in the Union. Ok, maybe 3rd or 4th, next to Mississippi, Alabama and give or take Arkansas. I really do love my job here but if someone told me I would never be able to see Florida ever again, I'd shake their hand firmly, slap them on their right shoulder blade, and with a shit-eating grin say "Thank You" in as many languages as I can spit out.

Let me explain why I'm here before I tell you all about Florida and the Floridiots that inhabit this state.

I'm currently working as a counselor and ESL teacher (English as a Second Language, for you special ones out there) for Rider University /Study Tours. Study Tours is the 2nd largest study abroad program in the world. (Don't ask me who no.1 is, I don't know.) Rider University is in Lawrenceville, NJ, about an hour and a half west (and slightly south) of NYC. (So that's why I had an apartment in Ewing, the town next to Lawrenceville, both of which are suburbs of Trenton and Princeton.) Anyway, kids from all across Europe (including the Middle East) come over to New York/Florida for 2-week blitzes of 3-hour ESL lessons 5 days a week and excursions 6 to 7 days a week. The kids are generally awesome. We miss them when they leave.

And now, onto my seemingly infinite list of "More Reasons Why I Hate Florida"... Enjoy:

• Because the breath-taking amount of obese people (their breath, not yours) is truly disgusting.
• Because in the supermarket, a single serving packet of celery, baby carrots, ranch dip and cubes of cheddar cheese came to over $5 whilst two jumbo chocochip cookies were $1. (See bullet point above this.)
• Because Disney World's Magic Kingdom only has 2 decent rides: Splash Mountain and Space Mountain (wow, good job with the name creativity, Disney.) I honestly can't understand why anyone above the age of 9 would want to come to Disney World at all. No, really. (Tower of Terror at MGM studios really is a cool ride though.)
• Because Space Mountain still looks like a roller coaster from the early 1980s, complete with a picture of a flying Chips-AHoy chocolate chip cookie posing as a meteor flying across space in the makeshift planetarium once you're inside the building waiting to get on the ride.
• Because SeaWorld's rollercoaster is named "Kraken." What kind of friggin name is that?! You couldn't think of a better one? Christ, people. Get me back to Mountain Creek and Six Flags. This crap sucks.
• Because there are usually no waves in the ocean, lots of sharks and other teeny, annoying little fish that like to run into you like a person who doesn't think there's a screen door in front of them (and then leaves some flaky skin from his nose sticking onto the screen like a greasy hand print on glass.)
• Because outside Miami (a city which I dually despise), West Palm Beach and Naples, there are no truly good restaurants nor lounges where one. Care for a meal? There's an Applebees around the corner. Ugh.
• Because nearly every store here belongs to a mega-corporation. The megalo- and agoraphobia-inducing strip malls absolutely sprawl across this god-forsaken state.
• Because the confederate flag is a daily sighting here. On t-shirts, front lawns, car windows and, if they had their way about it, on dollar bills, too.
• Did I mention all the horrifyingly fat people?
• Because the bugs are fucking HUGE. (Good thing the mosquitoes are slow though, stupid greedy fuckers. Jeff smashed one today with a soccer ball and human blood inside it splatted against the car seat. Did you know they would continue to suck blood until they die? Horrid little creatures. I mean, are they really a necessity to the natural order of things?)
• Because at midnight on the dot, every single night, Deviltown sprays all the lawns with recycled water. Guess what recycled water is recycled from? (Hint: it's not your sink or your shower.) I've been accidentally sprayed twice while trying to make a mad dash back to my suite. Talk about being shit on. Let's not even talk about the smell.
• Because the heathens that run Deviltown refuse to schedule the sprinklers any later than 12.

Just for shits and giggles, can anyone tell me what Arachibutyrophobia is? (Without using the internet or a dictionary, damnit!)

I'm sure there will be many more reasons published herein as to why I hate Florida. I'm just posting on 5 hours sleep. Naptime before Group 2 arrives tonight.